Dank Darkwick - Zero and Tomo

He practically ran to Frostheim after he left Jo's room. Maver's room. He was supposed to be recovering. Why the fuck was he running around all of Darkwick today. Braindead idiot, indeed. He'd stopped off at his own room briefly first. To drop off the gifts from Chi and to pick up Tomo's artifact. But now he was actually at Tomo's door and he couldn't bring himself to knock. He just stood there stupidly. Raised his hand a few times like he'd almost worked up the courage, and then dropped it to his side again. What would he even say?

*Honestly, he really understands why he doesn't stay in this place more often. It's too... much. Too fancy. Even the damn bed is too Princess-y for his tastes.* Too fucking easy. *He clicks through the games Gentaro sent him on a small laptop, borrowed from him, and hummed. Detective games were all fun and games until he figured it out immediately, which was often All The Time. He's bored. There's no security system outside the room. No way of knowing if someone is out there or not. So he continues on, scratching out notes in a notebook beside him, fully focused on the screen.*

He reads Tomo's reply telling him to come in. So he opens the door and walks in, closing the door behind him. "Hey."

*He waves without looking up, still too focused on the game to really pay all that much attention.* Why the fuck are you here? *He asks first, and then,* You're fucking crazy.

"I'm still trying to figure that out. I think I want to start with what you told Gen about me." He walks further in the room taking in the very Tomosei decor. He didn't much care for it.

*You don't care that he finally has a bed? Wow, Kōji, rude. He crinkles his nose and looks up, crinkling it even more as he took in Zero's appearance.* You look like ass. When's the last time you cut your fucking hair? *He's ignoring what Zero wants to talk about. Ignoring what stupid shit Gen must've told him.*

"Uhh... probably like 6 weeks ago? Do you even cut yours though?" He doesn't mind the topic change honestly, he's just glad to see Tomo again. He wasn't sure he'd get to after the stunt he pulled.

Oh right, someone was a fucking idiot and almost killed himself, almost forgot. *He shuts the lid of the laptop a bit too hard to play it casually, turning away from Zero as he messed with the ends of the wig.* What? Do you think it's shit too? Should I cut both, or just the wig?

That stung. Even if it was true. "No... I like it long. But what really matters is if you like it." Why the fuck are we talking about hair?? I wanna ask him about what Gen said but— "Are you using your stigma?"

Have you heard me use my stupid fucking incantation? Here's a hint, Kōji, it's not fuck. *This isn't how he wanted this to go. He's not angry. He's just pissed. Tomo takes a deep breath and stands, finding his own room suddenly fascinating. What really matters is if you like it. Jesus fucking christ, Zero.*

"No, I haven't. Sorry I shouldn't have assumed, that was rude." He takes a step closer to Tomo.

If you want me to use my fucking stigma you can just ask, but you have to grow a goddamn pair for that. *He glances at Zero, and then back to the wall. It's blue. Fascinating, isn't it? This wall. He thinks so. He even takes a step closer to it.*

Huh. Okay. Well it would certainly make his side of things easier. But it wouldn't tell him shit about Tomo. Maybe that would be a good thing though. Maybe it would help Tomo feel less... uncomfortable....? "I want you to use your stigma." No pretenses. No hiding. No running. (edited)

God, you're still so fucking stupid! *He can't figure out why Zero is here. He can't figure out why it feels so fucking awkward even with Gen's stupid fucking texts, and he can't figure out why Zero actually wants him to peek into his head. But whatever. He'll do it. Might as well.* Ami.

He thinks firstly about the text Gen had sent him. Something something, stupid handsome face, something something..... And then he thinks about the way his heart had flipped when he read it. Over and over and over.

Fuck! I'm going to kill him! *He knew Gen had said something. He didn't even read the shit Gen had said before he blocked Zero's account, but he should have, because he could've killed him for real. It's not even a big deal. It's not. He refuses to look over.* ........ So what? Am I not allowed to have eyes or some shit anymore? Who gives a fuck if you're handsome. Gen's handsome. Leo's handsome, in some fucked up way. *He crosses his arms, twirls the end of his braid around his finger, tries not to tug, tries to ignore the other part of Zero's thoughts. Made his heart flip. (Holy fucking shit, dude. Get it together. Probably just creeped him the fuck out.)*

Ah. Right. Okay. That answered that. Confirmed what Zero had already suspected. Tomo didn't think of him like that. Didn't think of Zero the way he thought of Tomo. His thoughts were disjointed as he processed. He didn't realize what he'd admitted to in his head. Well. No sense in pissing off Tomo more. "Right. How braindead of me." He walks up to Tomosei and holds his hand aloft to give him back the borrowed artifact. "Sorry you've had to go without it for so long. I should've returned it before I—. I should have returned it."

Are you trying to piss me off on purpose or did overusing your stigma make you genuinely fucking braindead? *Maybe it's the stress of the week. Maybe it's the stress of seeing Zero in front of him again, or the stress of knowing Gen has stuck his fat fucking head into their shit and caused problem, or the stress of the six fucking weeks he spent assuming he'd lost his chance to say goodbye for real, or any other stress he's been buckling under. It doesn't matter what it is. Tomosei can't take it. He looks at Zero and smacks the artefact from his hand. Who gives a shit about something like that? Who fucking cares?* You're a piece of shit. Holy shit, I'm so mad at you right now. Just because you were in a fucking coma doesn't mean I can't kick your ass for what you did. *He points to the bed.* Sit. Now. I swear to god I'll tackle you if I have to.

Okay. Now he's firmly back to square one. Confused as all hell. But he's not getting kicked out, so that's something, at least. He doesn't reply immediately, just wordlessly complies and sits on the bed. Then he asks. "Just to be clear, which part of what I did are you mad at? I'm sure it safe to assume all of it but which part are you kicking my ass for, exactly?"

All of it! *Like hell he's going to tell him now! Even Zero's compliance pissed him off more, his emotions overflowing internally. He paced. Began to tug gently at the braid, not that it was the same.* I fucking hate you. You're so fucking stupid. First you run out of my fucking room and tell yourself it's just the goddamn stress of your shitty ass week getting to you. Then you fucking DDOS me because I was a goddamn asshole to some motherfucker online. Then you put yourself into a fucking coma for six goddamn fucking weeks. Then you come here despite my fucking insistence you enjoy your shitty ass lunch. *He wants this stupid fucking wig off. He wants to tear at his real hair to feel something other than the frustration overwhelming him. He doesn't take it off though. Doesn't try to shatter the illusion more than he had. He simply turns away from Zero, not wanting to see his face. Not wanting Zero to see him.*

He reaches out a hand and cups the side of Tomosei's face. He wants to see the one thing that's consistent about him between personas, those golden eyes. Even if they hold rage or disappointment or anger. He wants to see them. "I'm not going to apologize. I did all of what I did for a reason and I'm sitting here for a reason now too. Granted my reasons might be stupid as all hell, but they're my reasons. And I'm done running from them." Tomo please look at me. You're the only person who can actually see me for who I am. "I don't want to make you angry. I don't want to make you upset. I know that I do. I don't know how to be close to you without frustrating you. But I want—" I want to figure it out. He lets his hand drop from Tomo's cheek.

*God, Zero is so fucking stupid. He's stupid and braindead and the worst and Tomosei hates his fucking guts for everything he's done, and everything he refuses to applogise for. He doesn't want to make him angry, but he's sure as shit an expert on it. He tenses at the touch and glances his way for only a second, expression unreadable for a moment. He's trying to be mad. He's trying to be mad because the alternative is so much worse.* What the fuck is your problem? Do you... Do you even know how I feel? What the fuck I think of you? *He's tugging at the braid as if it matters. His cheek buzzes with a feeling he can't quite name. God, Kōji, he thinks. You're the fucking worst.* Can you just tell me the goddamn fucking truth? Do you hate me or not? Am I fucking disgusting to you or not? Do... Do you li— *He cuts himself off sharply and retreats again. Looks at the artefact on the floor. It would be easier to do the cowardly thing and run away. He wouldn't have to face the truth of the matter then, and wouldn't have to hear what he's sure is the truth, even despite Zero's stupid fucking slip up earlier in his thoughts. Get it together, idiot.*

He feels his own frustration mounting, resulting in a snap at Tomo. "No! No I don't fucking know how you feel! I don't have a god damn mind-reading stigma." He fists a hand through his own overgrown hair. "Are you the braindead one? Why the fuck would I push so hard to be kind to you—to talk to you, to see you—if I hated you? What the hell have I done to make you think so certainly that I hate you?" He rummages through his pockets and pulls out the silk handkerchief he'd let Tomo use to clean his face with, weeks ago. It's still stained with the remnants of Tomo's makeup. "This was my mother's. If I hated you or thought you were disgusting, I wouldn't have let you use it. You were right though, no amount of cleaning got everything out. But I don't care. Because now—" Now it reminds me of you.

Well, sounds like you should fucking get one then! *He knows it's one-sided. It still pisses him off that Zero can't seem to figure out how he feels, or can't just accuse him of feeling something like everyone else does. It's so much easier to go along with something or disagree with something. How the fuck is he supposed to say how he feels, personally, without Zero's fucking input? Nobody let him do that. Nobody except Zero.* Maybe I am braindead! Maybe I'm the fucking idiot for letting you do all that shit! *He's so, so lucky Frostheim's walls are thick. That he's keeping his voice down despite how it keeps trying to rise, how he hasn't just fucking bolted, because this conversation is too hard and it sucks, and he doesn't want to ask the real question he wants to ask, because if he does and the answer is what he expects, he's not sure what he'll do.* Why? Why the fuck did you.... Why? *That stupid fucking handkerchief. He warned Zero, and Zero let him do it anyway. He didn't... He didn't know. And he fucking stained it. And now... Now... He's so frustrated. With himself. With Zero. With Gen. With everything. He stares at the handkerchief and takes a deep breath. It doesn't fucking matter. He holds it. It doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't. Holds in it all.* If you don't fucking hate me then what is it, Kōji? Why the fuck did Seiya tell me that you— *He doesn't voice the thought. He doesn't think it, either. Zero doesn't have a mind-reading stigma, but Tomo knows better than to trust his own thoughts. God, it's so stupid. He's so fucking stupid. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath again.*

He feels like he just got punched in the gut at Tomo's mention of Seiya. "What did Seiya tell you?" He knows. There's only one possible thing it could be. But... Seiya wasn't like that, was he? Seiya wasn't vindictive like that. Zero had fucked up that relationship, and Seiya probably deserved a little vindication. Or a lot. But... he wasn't like that. He had always been safe for Zero, even when Zero was an idiot. The thought that Seiya might've told Tomo... that he had outed him? The thought stung. "Never mind. Never mind what he told you. You obviously don't feel the same and you hate the idea that I might—" He's not sure if he's angry or sad or both. "I'm sorry for bothering you. I get the message." I'm unwelcome in your space. Physical or emotional. He shifts slowly as if to get up, but he doesn't want to. He feels like if he leaves, this might well and truly be it for them. (edited)

*It's all falling apart in front of him. He really can't take it anymore, Zero's stupid fucking thoughts, his stupid assumptions he finally decided to make, except they're so fucking dumb that Tomosei doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. With Zero. So he shuts his stigma off. Forces the thoughts out of his head so it could be quiet and he could think and say everything he knows he should be saying out loud in his own goddamn head. He voices one.* Keep your ass on the bed Kōji Yōgai or I swear to fucking god, standing will be the last thing you ever do. *His head is pounding. He shuts his eyes tightly and digs the heels of his palms into the sides of his head. Tries to outdo the pressure mounting in a band around his forehead. He doesn't understand any of it. He doesn't understand Zero's stupid fucking feelings, or his own, and he doesn't want to acknowledge them anymore, because he's been acknowledging them for weeks, and it's all so stupid. He feels like a kid again, listening to his grandmother tell him stories of love and romance and affection that wasn't his to feel. Jesus fucking christ, Kōji. Jesus fucking christ.* I told Gen to kiss me but I used your fucking name. *He doesn't want it to end. He knows it will. This will be the end, and he's scared to death.*

So much finally clicks for him in that moment. The deflection, the frustration, the insistence that maybe it was easier if Zero just hated him. Why it had been Gen that messaged him. And somewhere, buried under all of that, it finally clicks for Zero how Tomo actually feels about him. It was indirect, it was angry, but it was there. But now Zero had to respond. What the fuck do you even say to that? Tomo had just admitted to thinking of Zero in some sort of a romantic(?) manner but already the doubt was creeping in. Already he was doubting what he had heard with his own ears. Already he was convincing himself of the impossibility of his preferred interpretation of the scenario Tomo had just described. "Oh. I'm sorry. I never meant to get between you two. He clearly cares a lot about you, judging from the one conversation I heard."

*He let's the silence fall heavy. He let's what Zero said stand, because if he tries to speak right away he might actually, honest to god, kill him. Zero is braindead. Genuinely, truly, braindead. He takes a deep breath and then another and another until he realises he's going to start fucking hyperventilating if he continues, so he just holds his breath, face red from anger and embarrassment and oxygen deprivation and he really, really hopes he just passes the fuck out right there. But of course he doesn't. Of course he remains standing. So he crouches to the ground, curls into a ball, and screams. Silently. Quickly. Just enough to let it out, because he can't reach for his phone and yell at Gen, and he can't yell at Zero right now either. So he just yells. Uses every curse word he can possibly think of in the moment. Mostly, stupid. Never meant to get between us? Cares a lot? Who gives a fuck about Gen, right now? Tomosei admitted to that and Zero responded like this? He doesn't get it. He doesn't fucking get it. If he continues to not get it, he will die at the tender age of 24, and it will be all Zero's fault. His cursing devolves into something quieter and more real. He's mumbling it all, start to finish, as if he actually gives a fuck if Zero hears. He doesn't. He just needs to say it all, because if he stops talking he might explode, and if he does that it's over for real, and it can't be over for real yet, because he doesn't want it to be, and he's a selfish fucking coward who can't leave this idiot alone for some goddamn reason.* I don't want to get back together with Gen. We're through. Forever. He ended it. Not me. Do you get it yet, asshole? Or do I have to spell it out for you like you're some goddamn kindergartener who's taking their first goddamn steps?

Zero is silent as Tomo rages. Just lets him feel whatever it is he's feeling, mostly because he doesn't know what the fuck he would do to help. He's still torn between the self-doubt and the tiny window of reality he has into Tomo's feelings. His volume mirrors Tomo's as he mumbles out a reply. Half afraid and half concerned. "I didn't want you to get back with him either. But I didn't have a reason for it that wasn't downright selfish." Past-tense. He's had this thought before.

Aren't you always fucking selfish?! Why the fuck are you being so quiet about it now? Or are you able to be a selfish prick with everyone but me? *Oh, he feels so fucking stupid. He uncovers only enough of his face to glare at Zero and let him know just how ~~nervous~~ angry he is. He takes in a deep breath. Holy shit, he's already exhausted. This conversation exhausts him. His stigma exhausts him. His stupid fucking princess look exhausts him.* I can't fucking hear what you're thinking anymore, so you have to be real fucking specific. Because I don't know what you're saying, okay?! I'm stupid as fuck. I get it. I know. So can you just... *He lets his head drop again.* Can you just tell me how you fucking feel? What are we, Kōji? I don't fucking get it. I don't get it and I fucking hate that.

He takes a long, deep breath. And then another. "I get nervous when I'm with you. I get nervous when you text me. I get nervous when we're on a call gaming. I get nervous because I don't want to mess things up. I want you in my life in a way that I can't even adequately put into words. You're the only person at Darkwick I feel I can be completely truthful with. The only person with which I don't feel like I have to pretend I'm someone I'm not. You see me for all my flaws and stupidity and you don't hide how you feel. It's refreshing in a way that goes beyond friendship for me. That thought scared the shit out of me when I figured it out because I was with Seiya. It scared me because it made me realize I couldn't be myself with him. Not the way I am with you. I never have to guess what you're thinking. You always speak your mind and... I need that. I want that." He's rambling now. But he manages to think back to Tomo's question. What are we? "I don't know what we are, but I desperately want to find out."

So fucking corny. *He pulls himself a bit tighter before letting out a loud sigh, lifting his head up to look Zero in the eyes. God. They're stupid. Both of them are braindead. Both of them need to grow a fucking pair someday. He clenches his jaw and uncurls himself from his position on the floor so he can smooth out his uniform. This may be the worst the princess has ever looked. He can't bring himself to care though. Zero.... God, it's so stupid how similar they are. A world apart and yet exactly the same.* You could stand to be more nervous in games if we're on opposite teams. Annoying as fuck that your practice is paying off. *He's trying to navigate his feelings in a way he can understand. It's not going well, but he's trying.* You're such a pain in the ass. A pain in my ass. *He messes with his braid again before sighting heavily. Exaggeratedly.* ...... But I guess I don't mind it that much. I swear to god if you get a smug fucking grin on your face from me saying that, I'll take it back immediately.

In normal circumstances, Zero might've done exactly that—broken out into a stupid grin. But these weren't normal circumstances. Tomo had just admitted to feeling about Zero, the same way Zero was feeling about him. Albeit, with much more profanity and insults, but they felt different this time around. He stares into Tomo's golden eyes and does his best to imagine him under the persona. No wig. No makeup. No poise. Just Tomo. It's a relief to actually get to make eye contact with him. Like they're actually meeting the question head-on finally. He doesn't grin, but he smiles softly. "So what then, can I ask you the same question? What are we?"

We're stupid as fuck, that's what. *Tomo shakes his head and looks away again for just a moment, using the opportunity to find better words to reply with. He... doesn't know either. What they are. Not quite friends, not quite lovers. They're.....* We're us. That good enough for you? I'm not you and you're not me, but we sure as shit aren't anyone else. *And it's fucking terrifying, he doesn't add, and he still might lose his goddamn mind about it, he doesn't add, and he feels crazy when he looks at Zero again, and the smile is going to be the goddamn death of him. He tries to match it with a frown. For some reason the corners only tick upwards.*

Us. Okay. That works. "Works for me." The relief he feels in that statement soon gives way to exhaustion from the day's events. He hadn't fully realized just how hard he'd been pushing himself to get around and see people that day, but it was probably stupid considering he'd literally just gotten out of the infirmary yesterday. "Sorry for pulling you away from your game. I just... I wanted to see you. I think now I probably need to go lay down and sleep though." He stands and starts to move for the door.

*He stares at Zero for a very, very long time. Holy shit, he's going to be the death of him. Forever. Tomo sighs again and grabs the artefact, setting it up to lead to Zero's room.* I'd invite you to stay, but honest to fucking god I'd rather chill in the other room, and that doesn't have a bed, so it'd be stupid as fuck to have you stay there. *He places a hand on his hip and narrows his eyes. Looks over Zero. Tries to determine if he hurt himself again from exhaustion or some shit.* And who gives a fuck about the game? I would've beat that shit during the talk if I cared about it for real. I wanted to see your stupid ass too, okay? Holy shit. Thought you'd know that by now.

He lets himself break into a small grin. Classic Tomo. Cactus Kindness. Always deflecting with a barb. But that was part of who he really was, under the personas and other bullshit. Part of why Zero couldn't help but want to keep him around. "Hm, noted. Gonna have to get a bed for that room. But thanks. For letting me come over. I'm... I've got a lot to think about now." He holds out his hand in a fist, as if in a setup for a fistbump. It's stupid, and it's probably going to irritate Tomo, but that was kind of the point. But then he remembers something even more stupid from a while ago, a certain mutual 'fuck you,' and opens the fist into a middle finger. (edited)

*He'll consider it, the bed thing. Maybe. He doesn't need one, so he doesn't have one, but if Zero's dumbass is going to visit and need to immediately pass the fuck out, maybe it won't be so bad to have. Maybe. Tomosei stares at the fist in very mild confusion and, as expected, irritation, before watching as Zero flips him off instead. God, he's stupid. Holy shit. He has to turn away with how hard he starts to laugh. It's all stupid. Really, truly stupid. His nerves, his fears, this conversation.* H-Holy fuck, Kōji! Holy shit! *He's bright with laughter and joy and relief. It's almost too much to put into words, so he wipes the laughter-induced tear from his eye, and returns the gesture in kind.*

The sound of Tomo's laughter causes his grin to shift to something softer. Something that probably looked dangerously like affection, so he doesn't let it linger and just as he had the time before, he entwines his middle finger with Tomo's. "I'll um. I'll text you, okay? Or you can text me. Or whatever. I don't know. Fuck, I'm so fucking exhausted, sorry." Now it's his turn to laugh. God the two of them were a mess. He reluctantly lets go of Tomo's finger and steps through the artifact.